Many people don’t plan on the amount of time, energy, and money it takes to raise healthy, well-adjusted, happy children. But, when the kids arrive, the family’s dynamic takes shape, often forming to make things easier for the parent, especially if the parent lacks understanding of the child’s physical, mental, emotional, and psychological needs. Below is a list of some of the consequences when children are raised by unwitting parents.
1. They conceive a child without awareness or intent and raise them that way. The beliefs held by parents at conception often shape the growing baby’s feelings of love and belonging. When a child is conceived by two people who aren’t self-aware with purpose, they tend to flounder as parents. If people cannot recognize and fulfill their own emotional, psychological, and physical needs to stay healthy as adults, they won’t provide that to their children. Instead, they seek outside sources, not for support, but to provide for and make decisions about their family. They may be able to physically provide for the child but rely on doctors, teachers, politicians, and even the news to make decisions for them. In the least, this results in the child feeling neglected.
When a baby’s conception is planned by unconscious people, they may come into the world feeling more grounded than those conceived “by mistake” but will experience feelings of neglect as the floundering parent has no clue why they had the child except to follow the basic needs for survival. Ideally, when a child is created, the parents are heart-centered and committed to loving the child in the healthiest way possible to provide the most secure entry into and through the world.
2. They project their unresolved issues and insecurities onto their children. Parents with guarded hearts who don’t choose to heal their own emotional and psychological wounds will project them onto their children. Any parent who doesn’t feel good enough about themselves in their own life will set their children up for failure by criticizing their efforts. They often do this because humans are hard-wired to be surrounded by family for survival. So, if a child signals they want to do great things in their life, the parent will sabotage their efforts as their subconscious mind drives them to hold onto the child for their own protection.
If you ever heard from your parents or said to your child, “Who the hell do you think you are,” you likely felt stunted or blocked your own children from believing in themselves. What it means is, who the hell do you think you are to deserve love and forgiveness from me? That is painful to hear and feel. The child usually learns to hide their feelings or mistakes to bypass more criticism. Another example is that the parent betrays the child, gossips about him, or allots more resources for one child over the other, and then treats the victimized child like they did something wrong to anger the parent. They gaslight the child by projecting their own wrongdoing onto him. A healthy parent actively tunes into their heart in order to use compassion when guiding their child.
3. The parent still healing from neglect or abuse becomes way too permissive with their own children, replicating feelings of insecurity. When sensitive and well-meaning people who experienced abuse have children, they often allow the child to swim around in her feelings and let her emotions guide her behavior. And often, those emotions are fueled by feeling the parent’s unresolved emotional issues. When a parent still feels the pain from not being guided with kindness as a child, they may have tremendous fear and guilt around directing their own children’s behavior. The result is that they become permissive, allowing the child to feel and express themselves however they want, wherever they want. The overly-sensitive parent’s own neglect drove her to want to respond to her child’s every need as if it was an emergency that ironically results in her child also feeling neglected. Because she wasn’t given a safe structure to feel her emotions in and learn how to manage them, she will always act out as a cry for someone to help her feel safe for having wild feelings. These children grow up.
If you find yourself having children before being able to experience feeling safe and grounded in the world, do everything you can to retrain your cells to make you feel that way so you can break the cycle with the next generation. There are ways to retrain your brain to feel safe and abundant by changing the brain chemistry and circuitry through controlling your breath and thoughts. Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work is an excellent place to learn how. When the parent feels safe and belongs in the world, they instill those same feelings in their children, which reduces feelings or experiences of neglect.
4. The parent leaves the child with a caregiver for lengthy periods. Babies need their mothers. It is only natural that mothers stay close to their young children. When a woman has a child and then leaves the child in the care of other people, that child experiences abandonment and loss, primarily if the person or people caring for the child do not fulfill a warm and motherly role. Even if they do, the child naturally needs its own mother. And if the mother is too busy to spend adequate time close to her young children and feels guilty about it, both mother and child suffer. Often, the guilty feeling mom will also resent those closest to her children and, in turn, sabotage the caretaker. This leads to more abandonment for the children.
The myth that women could have it all, meaning be a man and a woman simultaneously, is just that. A false story to separate the unity of the family and create a weakened society where strong fathers aren’t present because their more masculine wives can make money and pay for the nanny. Or, the state will subsidize women to have them without a father around. Healthy children have at least one constant parent in their lives who has a healthy attitude about parenting. Becoming a parent isn’t a box to check. It’s more than a full-time job. It is for life.
5. They feed their children a steady diet of processed foods. People tend to think that food that is quick to make and marked ‘healthy’ on the box will save them money in the long run. The problem is that it’s been proven repeatedly with a large portion of the population that processed foods cause many health issues, which cost a lot of money, time, and quality of life. People who aren’t in touch with their body and how it feels don’t seem to be conscious about what goes into it. Instead of overhauling their diet, they may get rashes, feel bloated and tired, or develop autoimmune issues and then run to the doctor for pills. Not only do they do this with themselves, but to their children.
It doesn’t seem to matter which income bracket they are in. People at all privilege levels will feed their children processed foods beginning with jarred baby food. Online forums talk about the rashes their babies have gotten from things like organic rice or oat cereal. A jar is easy to open, but keeping your child healthy with functioning brains takes a little more effort. People seem to have forgotten that humans didn’t have everything processed for them for thousands of years with ready-to-go meals. We didn’t have so many preservatives, fillers, and genetically modified crops, plus pesticides. Now we are feeding that to ourselves and to our children. When your kids eat cereal for breakfast, a sandwich for lunch, chips, crackers, candy as a snack, fast food for dinner, or mac and cheese, you’re starving them of vital nutrients and giving them substances that inflame the digestive system creating other issues. Some people are more sensitive than others, but at the rate that food turns into toxic chemicals these days, most people won’t eat it regularly without any health consequences. The best way to mitigate these issues or avoid them altogether is by eating a diet like our great-grandparents. Organic, pasture-raised grass-fed meat, non-GMO, organic grains, vegetables, and fruits.
6. When parents trust doctors over their own intuition about their child. The level of intuition, especially mothers have about their children, varies. But the best source of knowledge about the child usually comes from the mother. She can sense, feel and know when something is wrong and the nature of the issue. Doctors help fix the medical problem, but increasingly they play as the original decider on all things baby and child. While the parent stands frozen in a worry of possibilities, the doctor capitalizes on that and decides for them. The hospital system from birth to death is one big money-making machine. For thousands of years, women have been giving birth at home with the help of family, visiting doctors, or medicine men and women. Herbs were and are still used in curing many ailments along with food, rest, sunshine, and love.
As our modern world increasingly gets saturated with emergency broadcasts from the news and government, people trust themselves less to heal as we once did, through nature and our connection to it. Mothers must not lose their sense of intuition about their children, and fathers must regain being the pillar of protection for her and her intuition over their children. That will result in a physically sovereign child who will trust her body and what to do to help heal it. We are a world filled with exemplary healers, and we have the power to choose our healing and who helps us.
7. They don’t enjoy their children. Parents who don’t enjoy their children don’t value them and are not living in the present. To have kids and not discipline yourself to give them your undivided attention regularly and find reasons to appreciate them creates adults who struggle with loneliness and low self-worth. It is understandable that parents are tired and feel stressed from having to work, pay bills, and support kids, but if you aren’t present with your kids in mind, body, and soul, what is the reason for having them? Is your goal to pass on generational trauma because that’s what happens when you starve your child of a real, clear, loving connection?
The beauty of having kids is that they are so easily programmable. Of course, they come out with their own mission and personalities, but if you approach all of them with love, understanding, and kindness, you can guide them towards being happy, fulfilled people who live with a purpose. I believe that not being present with kids results from too many consumerist distractions. The heart is the center of the home and family. It’s only through connecting there that your kids will feel safe, loved, and valued. No amount of money or toys will ever replace that.
8. When the relationship between both parents ends, they date and introduce new partners to their kids too soon. The truth is that your kids don’t want you to date after their family has split up. They want more of your attention for some time because they are going through one of the most painful processes they may experience in their lives. Many relationships end abruptly or without respect, and the kids have to witness and absorb that. Then one parent sees the other parent in the child and resents them for having similar traits. Instead of focusing on their own or children’s needs, they look to an outside source, a new partner, to make the parent feel whole. This is an unrealistic expectation to have just after a breakup or divorce. The structure of the family changes, and often, the foundation becomes weaker.
Divorces often happen because people start a family before they’ve healed from their own family wounding. We’re a few generations of divorced families now. It doesn’t appear to be slowing down, so making an effort to ensure you’re bringing life into a world that will promote feelings of belonging and security would benefit humanity greatly. And if you do date, give it at least 6 months before introducing the person to your children. But please, make your kids’ attention your priority until you are emotionally grounded enough to entertain another partner.
9. They aren’t prepared, nor do they prepare their first child for the second child. Baby number one will have the only experience being a single child with the parents. It is a special place as the child has made the couple into parents. The firstborn experiences the most intense anticipation and adoration as brand new parents are often in awe over each milestone. All uninterrupted attention is on the firstborn. The dramatic shift in awareness towards the older child when the next baby comes along is vast. Understandably, the parents’ time gets divided between two children, and they feel they have all the love to give both. What often isn’t seen by the parent, especially when the firstborn is close in age to the secondborn, are the signs that the firstborn is jealous and feels rejected when their sibling comes along. They may fluctuate between loving their new sibling and being angry at them because their needs are suddenly not getting fulfilled.
Shortly after a second child is conceived, the parents can prepare their firstborn for shared attention by cherishing the unique one-to-one relationship while also mourning in themselves the feeling that it goes away and another baby will double the work. When the parent walks themselves through with their senses intact, their children will pick up on that way of processing and feel secure and loved because the parent tends to her own emotional needs, which include the emotional needs of her children.
10. They allow their kids too much screen time. Growing up in the 80s and 90s, I often heard my parents yell, “Turn off the TV and go outside! The TV will rot your brain!” What our parents struggled with in terms of the media taking over the child’s mind is vastly different from what inundates children’s growing brains today.
You don’t need a health degree to understand that when your kids stand there speaking to you as if you are inside of a video game with him, these devices have tremendous power. Yet, here we are, addicted along with them to the point that it is hard to set boundaries and create discipline around this new technology. The devices may keep them quiet and out of the parents’ hair for some time, but who will they become once they grow up and need to not only survive but thrive in the real world? What effect does this media have on growing brains and bodies? We don’t know, except we do. We are just lying to ourselves about it.
When we see children having tantrums about not using them, they sometimes appear to be in the same amount of distress as a heroin addict who can’t get their fix. Then I’ve also witnessed parents making an excuse after excuse as to why they let their kids have it. In reality, it makes the parents’ lives more effortless at the moment.
Not only are we a world filled with less focus and more scattered thinking, but most kids who have access to the internet have seen porn by the age of 9. I don’t understand adults who cannot remember what they were like as a kid or how those images affect a child. It’s not just people having sex, either. It’s all kinds of extreme, fake, and violent acts that kids are witnessing in the name of sex. It has taken away the innocence of young adults who would otherwise experience seeing a naked body close up for the first time in real life. Instead, it has created unrealistic expectations about sex. This seems to result in fewer people entering relationships or building healthy ones. It’s not just the porn that is bad about the internet and so many devices. It’s the lack of living in the present moment, learning about the world around them in their community, and connecting with their own bodies, minds, creativity, and nature that we are losing to an undisciplined society.
I urge parents to redirect their own focus with their children back to nature, back to dinners where people talk to each other, back to no media days, back to learning to work with their hands on something tangible. If we don’t take back our children’s minds, whoever is running the content inside the devices will turn your kids into something you may look back and feel like a failure for not preventing.
Itís hard to find well-informed people for this subject, but you seem like you know what you are talking about! Thanks